TITHONUS' DIARY!!
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it used to be It used to be that when I saw blood on TV then, even though I would tell myself it was fake, it would feel real; I would get that clenching in my stomach, that awful feeling that something bad has happenned. Then I learned to be indifferent to it, to know at once that the blood wasn't real. - I was watching Buffy tonight, and it's my favourite thing on TV, and I had this awful feeling - distanced from it, I could see the actors were just actors speaking lines, I could hear the arguments among the scriptwriters over how to handle this plot point or that... the whole thing just felt completely fake. I'm scared that TV is spoiled for me now. - I suppose it's the difference between good and bad acting. Maybe the cast were just having a bad day. Or maybe they're tired of it now; they've been playing those same characters for a long time, now. Like poor bloody Gillian Anderson on the X files, trying to play seriously a character who had seen no end of mysterious happenings and yet still couldn't believe any of Mulder's wild explanations, despite the fact that they were invariably right. - What if it happens to books, too? And I don't feel the characters, but just see words? I need to gullible, foolish, naive, capable of being taken in, or there's no escape from this dismal world! - I wonder, does it matter at all what you call a band? So many names have been used, now, it seems you may as well just take any random noun, and use that. "Lamington" or "Topaz" or "Bottle". I mean, why not? - "Indifference" - disinterest or apathy. Notice that it means the negation of difference. When everything is the same as everything else, then everything's boring. In order for thing to be interesting, they have to be different from each other, and the differences have to matter. That's what makes money so awful - it turns everything into everything else. Whatever has a price, has lost its specific character, and has become just an amount. - When I was breaking up with my ex, I said to her something like, I don't mind if I'm unhappy, that's just my fate. But I can't bear the guilt of making you unhappy. I wonder, though, was the real reason I couldn't bear the guilt because it would make me see that what I do to myself is just as awful, that in fact I have the power to release myself from this way of living, if only I were willing? - "Prove my strength by holding back" - Richard Thompson |
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