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2002-12-19 - 7:43 p.m.

I am the only worthwhile human being on this misbegotten, benighted planet. Everyone else is so hugely inferior to me that by rights they should fall down in worship whenever I walk past. But they don't because they're jealous; they're just too petty and childish to admit how great I am in comparison to them. It's so unfair! But I suppose at least my incredible patience, awesome tolerance and inhuman humility allow me to cope better than anyone else would.


I don't know what's wrong. I am feeling incredibly discontented with life at the moment. I can't seem to get out of that loop of desire and the satisfaction of desire. You know that film, "American Beauty"? It might seem at first that the film is about how you shouldn't do what everyone else wants, but instead do what *you* want, but neither of those really works. He's just unhappy in a different way when he's getting what he wants. Desire and satiation are both unpleasant states. Real pleasure takes love. I've fallen out of love with the world. I need to get back in. But love can't be willed into being; it either is or it isn't.


"Love is all you need" - The Beatles

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