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2003-02-17 - 5:59 p.m.

Well, the person I made a pass at sent me an email asking for clarification. Gah. Bloody life. Bloody reality. These things were always so much easier back in the time when I believed myself to be like a... like the hero of a story, the center of a film, the good guy who always does his best to make things come out right. Knowing myself better I can never just say, "I want you", without also saying, "I should warn you though, that reciprocating this desire is unwise in the extreme because of..." and then ennumerating my faults. It's not easy... I want to do the right thing and thereby be safe from moral ambiguity, from the possibility that I am the bad guy, the villain in someone else's story. Just the mere fact of being aware of and caring about other people's feelings puts me at a terrible disadvantage... no, that's going too far, too melodramatic. Of course being sensitive is a good thing, is a gift, is something I wouldn't want to change - and probably could change if I wanted to badly enough.


Oh crap, I have to go, I'm seeing Bob & Ani in an hour!


"I am the messiah" - Dan Bern

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