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advice taken
2003-04-02 - 10:15 p.m.

Ok, having received much excellent advice from many quarters, I have come to a decision. Just because I'm experiencing the same sort of emotional upheaval that I did as a loony teen in love, doesn't mean I have to act like a loony teen in love, which, let's face it, is not very attractive, and indeed, can be quite scary. So, I'm just going to... uh. Um.


I don't know exactly what I'm going to do. This is so weird. It actually physically hurts. I'm concerned... you know, one of the kind people who responded to my plea for help, jenspeare, reminded me of just how scary and freaky inappropriate declarations of love can be, mostly because there's a quality about them which is... you know, obsession is more about the obsessor than the obsessee. I'm suspiscious of that sort of "obsessive love" because it's about the happennings in the head of the obsessor, rather than what's going on in the space in-between the two people. It's not about real relationship. I mean, to me the real love, you know, the real thing, is standing there at the sink doing the washing up together and just happily nattering about nothing in particular. I'd take that over all of the great double-suicide passions of history and fiction. Because it's real, you know, we can... we enjoy the real thing, not the fantasy of it. You don't set about to prove yourself as a great lover by saying "I am the sort of person who can wash dishes and talk", you know?


So, while with the help of others I think I've... gotten some perspective on this abrupt access of passion, on the other hand I don't want to just disregard it or repress it entirely, because it's... there's something genuine about it. I don't know how to put it. My feelings are real, too, you know, even if they are fantastic or obsessive... I'm trying to listen to their voice without becoming a slave to it. Anyway, more on this drama later, I have to go teach.


"I'll try to walk like a man" - Bruce Springsteen

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