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why now?
2003-04-04 - 3:33 p.m.

Ok, when I first started keeping this diary (actually, a different diary, the predecessor of this one) I had no way to express my dark and unpleasant feelings. So an online diary was the perfect solution to a very difficult and pressing problem. But now... now my academic writing is virtually all about those sorts of dark feelings, and so what's left over for the diary is just the flotsam of my day, or very rarely, things that are just too extremely dark for me to confront in my academic writing. So for months now I've felt like this diary wasn't really... doing anything much anymore.


However, for those who have said they'll miss me (aww, thanks :) then the good news is, I'm not planning to lock the diary or delete it or anything like that. I'm just not going to update it without having something to put in it. Which may mean updates weeks or months apart, until, eventually, they stop altogether. But... I'm not going to kill it, I'm just going to let it die. If you see what I mean. I'm not going to avoid writing things here if I feel like it, I'm just not going to put things in just for the sake of "keeping the diary going", which makes less and less sense to me.


So, that's why I say don't say goodbye. I'm not leaving yet, and it may somehow turn out that I don't leave at all. But right now I have an expectation that gradually this diary is going to fade out, and I thought I should give some warning.


"It's not a house, it's a home" - Bob Dylan

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