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2000-03-19 - 12:26 a.m.

Ever find that... Have you ever found yourself just wandering through the normal business of your day, and then suddenly get hit with a wave of unhappy feelings that seem to come from nowhere? Whoosh! Here they come! Whoosh!


I want to be things that are contradictory. Which is to say, disregarding the limits of my humble human frame, I couldn't be all the things I want to be anyway, because, they are mutually contradictory. Which makes me think that wanting them at all is a bad idea. But it's not an idea at all, it's just a fact, isn't it, the things that you want? Not an idea but a... fact that you have to deal with, like traffic lights.


I'm drunk and ashamed of being drunk and so trying to hide it but I don't think I can. I don't think I should be drunk so often, since I don't drink, but I will probably drink tomorrow night, although I don't want to, just like I didn't want to tonight. Was drinking with the ex and my best friend's ex. And my best friend was simultaneously breaking up with his current girl. I want to believe there is mercy in this world. Mercy, pity, and love. I am lost in this life.


"Right now this river's banks are blown" - Pete Townshend

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