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jumping the shark
2003-09-13 - 11:40 p.m.

Right, I can tell you're all bored of this diary, I'm desperate for some kind of positive feedback, DESPERATE!!! I want you to tell me I'm GREAT. But! I know it's not gonna be that easy to shake some life into you sluggards, so I've descended to WRITING PORNOGRAPHY. Yes. Below some "spoiler space" below, you will find a pornographic story which I have written for your amusement. So, tell me what you think - have I gone too far? Is it grossly inappropriate for me to be writing this sort of filth in my diary? Did it turn you on? Was it clumsy and unerotic? I WANT FEEDBACK!!!

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Oh right, but first; I know not all of my readers are really of an age to be reading this sort of stuff, and to you I say: please don't read this if you've never read any pornography before. I don't want to be the one who ruined it for you. OTOH, if you have read pornography before, you'll probably know what to expect and, well, I'm not responsible for any permanent damage to your psyche done by exposure to this stuff... but, you know, consider yourself warned.

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Oh right, and the other thing I should mention is that I've never done anything of this sort before, so expect it to be as bad as you would expect it to be, and secondly, I'm writing this mainly in response to something that star said, in fact, if you click on that link you'll know what it was that she said. Which was basically that she hates the fact that porn mostly doesn't have any connection with reality. So, I have striven to include some realistic elements in this, although whether or not I've succeeded, um, you be the judge. AND THEN TELL ME YOUR JUDGEMENT!!!

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He’d known from the beginning that the massage was mainly just a pretext for this, but still, when it came time to make the next move he was nervous. Still, the nervousness was pleasant in itself; it made his hands feel weak and his lips trembled as he leaned in to kiss her neck. The soft, clumsy kiss felt wonderful, a kind of magic in the feel of the skin, the way she leaned ever so slightly into him, knowing that he was about to take the next step… He kissed her neck again, more firmly this time, knowing that she hadn’t flinched from the first one, knowing that he could probably do anything he wanted now. But, he wasn’t so impatient that he would want to go too quickly anyway; another kiss on the neck, now the chin, his hands sliding around from her waist to her belly… she turned her face toward him and leaned back even more firmly now. Their lips met, awkwardly because of the angle that they were at, but her mouth felt wet and cool from the water she’d been drinking, and the difficulty of reaching her mouth made the game of kissing the more tantalizing. His hands moved up her chest, over her breasts, and he could see that she wanted to respond, but sitting behind her as he was, she couldn’t reach anything but his thighs… she wanted to turn around, the frustration was too much, and so they moved apart. As they shifted around awkwardly, they avoided each other’s eyes, perhaps nervous that if they acknowledged what was happening now it would stop… they’d both been very coy about admitting that this was what they were after, using excuses like the massage to get closer… but now they were here.

She’d turned around, sat between his thighs with her legs around his waist, and they were kissing in earnest now. The hint of nerves that had made those first kisses so tentative was rapidly fading, and the kisses were becoming bolder, a little more experimental. First he’d press hard on her lips with his, then dart his tongue into her mouth… then a very slow, soft kiss. He wasn’t sure what she preferred… he didn’t like to admit it to himself, but having gotten over his intial nerves he was impatient to move to the main event, to be inside her, to be fucking… he didn’t like to admit that he thought in such coarse terms, and so to make up for it, he did his best to be patient with these intermediate steps. And it’s not as though he disliked the intermediate steps… it was very pleasant to be kissed, to rub her back, her breasts, her bum, to take the little baby steps toward being there, to move his hands up under her blouse at the base of her back, then to lift her shirt over her head, then to kiss the little exposed triangle of breasts above the top of her bra… but the process had a tendency, in him, to turn him on all the more the further it went, and the more turned on he was the more impatient he was. His mind was half in a libidinous daze, feeling drugged by the nearness of her, the nearness of the moment when he would enter her, and half going through a comical mental inventory, trying to determine if he’d waited a decent period between removing the last item of clothing, to allow him to start on the next.

Still, nothing could interfere with his pleasure the moment she removed her bra. He had an immoderate and promiscuous love of breasts, and the moment a woman removed her bra and the gentle weight of them being released from their cups was something he treasured. Every pair of breasts is unique, has its own erotic character, excites the imagination in its own way… these were a little larger than average, with brown nipples, and a tendency to look a little swollen at the base. There were stretch marks around the upper part of the breast, and although he said nothing about them one way or another, he found them very aesthetically pleasing. Something about the different quality of the skin, the slight alteration in texture… it wasn’t often that he got a chance to study breasts up close, and apart from being sexually exciting he found them interesting…

…but unfortunately he also felt a little self-conscious about staring at them too hard or for too long. He was perfectly aware that staring at a woman’s breasts when she is clothed will make her very uncomfortable, and although he wasn’t sure that the rule applied with someone you were about to sleep with, he didn’t want to make her unhappy… he was very grateful to her for doing this, and wasn’t really sure why she was.

As he licked and kissed her nipples, he guessed, maybe wrongly, from the motions of her hips that she too was getting impatient with foreplay. He communicated with a few subtle nudges that she should slide up to his belly, and as she did, he quickly undid his trousers and completed his undressing. Getting the last bit of pant-leg over his feet was awkward in this position, with her sitting astride him, and he flashed her a quick smile to show he didn’t mind being embarrassed like this.

“What?” she asked slyly, smiling broadly at him. He smiled back just as widely, running his hands over her hips. “Nothing” he said, more than a hint of cheekiness in his voice. It felt good to talk now, now that they both knew what was going to happen, now that there were no illusions about where this was headed. She didn’t have what most people would think of as a classically beautiful face, but animated as it was now by a spirit of mischief, he found her so charming that he wouldn’t swap her for anyone. “Get off me, lie down” he said, patting her quickly on one hip. She raised her eyebrows at him, but did as he asked, and he rolled over and started kissing her again. But he moved gradually downward, from her mouth to her chin, from her chin to her neck, down her clavicles… to him, a woman’s clavicles were an especially erotic feature, and he lingered over them a little longer, kissing and licking, giving a slight and playful bite… and then down to the breasts again, a bit impatiently now, over her belly, into the soft skin just above the line of her jeans. He tried to surprise her by suddenly sucking hard on her stomach, as a tease, but she was silent, so her continued sucking as he undid her jeans and pulled off these and then her underwear. At such close range he could only see her pubic hair, but then he closed his eyes. He felt a little awkward staring directly at a woman’s sex, and preferred from this point onward to work by touch. So he licked the lines where the thigh met the skin of the groin, twice or thrice on each side, and then moved down even further, to the inner thighs. Here he stayed for a few moments, licking the skin with rapid, feathery motions of his tongue, trying to tease her, trying to get her frustrated, looking for a response… but still, silence. Oh well, he thought, hopefully I can do something about that… he slid his hands under her buttocks, so that he could squeeze them lightly for extra emphasis, and began to kiss her outer lips. Now he heard a slight moaning from above, and so began to lick a little harder and deeper, experimenting to find what she would like.

From past experience he believed the best thing to do here was to try different motions and places, more or less at random, and listen to clues from her breathing and hopefully moaning, to see what was working. He also knew that patience was often necessary, that he shouldn’t give up just because he became bored or if his jaw became a little tired… to be generous in this way was his way of expressing his gratitude to her for sleeping with him, for making him feel good by wanting to sleep with him. And so he licked, he tried rapid short motions, and long slow motions, he tried sucking gently, licking around the clitoris, laying his tongue flat across the whole expanse and moving his head backward and forward. It was a little tiring for him, and if he was honest with himself, a little boring, but it was nice for his ego to hear her moan, it made him feel that he was a skilled and attentive lover, and so he persisted through the boredom, exerting himself harder when he heard her moaning, and varying his technique when she turned silent. Sometimes he suspected he misunderstood the import of her sighs and moans, and stopped when he should have gone on, or persisted when he should have changed… but at last, although his neck was stiff, he was rewarded by the sound of her shrieking, “Oh God, Oh God, Oh yes, Oh keep going!” and he felt her body tense and then relax… he softly kissed her quim one last time, and then climbed up the bed to lie next to her and put his arms around her.

It was nice just to lie there, feeling the radiance of her afterglow entering him, but the proximity of her warm, naked body soon made his cock, which had gone limp during the long session below, grow hard again. He found himself instinctually grinding it against her hip, feeling the sensitive skin around the tip slip pleasantly over her skin… but as before, the pleasure of the sensation made him impatient, and he gave her a “significant look”.

She gave him a quick, darting kiss on the lips, smiled, and then said, “where do you keep your condoms?” “Ok, sit up, see that file by the bottom of the bed? Yeah, they’re under “C” for “Condoms”. She laughed, and quickly found one. She told him that she usually put them on inside out, but she’d try if he wanted her to… he smiled and took it from her, and quickly rolled it on. She looked at him, still smiling, and said, “where do you want me?”

He loved being asked the question, although he was never quite sure how to answer. The feeling of power, however slight, but the feeling of having a woman willingly putting herself at his disposal gave him a genuine thrill. Still, though, he didn’t want to seem greedy, and so he answered the way he would always answer such a question: “I don’t know. What would you like?” She put on a “thoughtful” expression, half-jokingly, but obviously thinking. “You know,” she said, “I really don’t mind.” “Alright,” he answered, “why don’t we start with you on top, and then we can change later?”

He lay back and she straddled him, stroking his chest, rubbing herself slowly and lightly over the shaft of his cock. Now that the moment was so close, he was desperately impatient, looking at her body, feeling her hips in his hands, wanting to be inside her. So he began to wriggle, just a little, but with the obvious desire to get his cock in a better position to penetrate her. So she reached down between her legs, lifted her hips slightly, and then pushed herself down on him.

So suddenly, so swiftly, he was in her. The moment itself, the moment of entry, which felt so divine, came and went so quickly, but it was a joy. Now he was fucking her, now he could feel his cock inside that warm, slick, inviting space, and he began to feel almost drugged. She moved back and forth, sliding his cock out a little way and then back in again, a magical friction, even through the slight thickness of the condom…

…but he began to grow impatient after a few minutes of this. He wanted not just to be in her, but to fuck her, to possess her, to… he couldn’t think of the right words for it. But he wanted to thrust into her, hard, with his whole length. So he slid himself down the bed slightly, bent his knees, and supporting her hips with his hands, began to do just that. In! And then, a little more slowly he slid out, and then another emphatic thrust into her depths. As she was leaning forward, her breasts dangled, changing shape to something quite different, another shape for him to love, and swaying with every thrust. He was intoxicated with the heat of it now, and so unashamedly staring at them, feeling her yield to him, to his hard cock, his strong hands, fucking her harder and still harder…

“Hang on”, she said. He stopped. However much of an animal he felt himself becoming, words would always bring him back to his civilised self. She leaned back and put her hands on his thighs, behind her back. “Let’s just slow down a second, ok?” He nodded his assent. It felt beautiful anyway, just being in her cunt, feeling damp between his legs… and being brought back to himself like this, he slowed down and appreciated the moment for its own pleasure, rather than trying to fight his way to orgasm, as he’d been doing a moment before. Gradually he became conscious of the way the surface of his penis felt, how the slight differences in pressure and friction varied with her slow, gentle movements. It was as though there was something deep, deep in there that he could only vaguely sense, some presence with its own personality, something he couldn’t quite name. There was even something a little frightening of it, and awareness of just how much about sex he didn’t understand, how ignorant he was of the mysteries of it… and at the same time he had this sensation, the warmth was building in his groin, the tension and expectation reaching that stage where he knew it wouldn’t be long before he came. He looked at her face; her eyes were closed and while he knew she wasn’t going to orgasm, there was a bliss there, a mixture of pleasure and calm that looked almost impassive… he didn’t know how to name it. He reached up and caressed her face lovingly, and just at that moment the pressure in his cock spilled over, and he gave a deep sigh of satisfaction.

She leaned down and lay on his chest, his now limp cock still half inside her, and they lay together like that for a long moment. Then, suddenly anxious that the condom was intact, he pulled out of her, experiencing a brief disappointment as the warm envelopment came to an end. She climbed off from astride him, and hugged him from the side as he carefully removed the condom, checking for a tear. It looked alright, and he wrapped it in a tissue, before dropping it in a bin by the bed. Then he turned to her, put his arms around her, and shared a long kiss. This afterglow, he thought, this moment of peace, I wonder if it’s even better than the moment itself?

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"We should be having fun" - Herman's Hermits


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