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so why don't you kill me?
I'm a loser. No, no, don't try to reassure me, I don't say this as a wail against the unfairness of my life, merely as a statement of fact. I don't mind, actually, most of the time I'd rather be me and be a loser, than be one of those people who aren't losers, because... it's pretty rare in my experience that winners are people that I can like. And I like myself, I really do, although that feeling sort of varies. But, anyway, I'm mostly happy to be a loser, but sometimes, particularly when I'm invited to parties, or I'm in some kind of social situation that makes me feel lost and anxious and kind of intensely aware of my weirdness, then I feel unhappy about being a loser. Like tonight, tonight was such a night. I felt very loser-y.
Anyway, when I feel this way, there's something I like to read, to remind myself of what it's like to be one of "them", one of the winners, an acheiver, an accomplisher... you know the people I'm talking about. Yeah. Those people. Here's a glimpse into the mind of such a person. If you ever feel unhappy about being a failure (if that's what you feel you are) then this ought to cheer you up a bit.
"Time is money. He that can earn ten shillings a day by his labour, and goes abroad, or sits idle, one half of that day, though he spends but sixpence during his diversion or idleness, ought not to reckon that the only expense; he has really spent, or rather thrown away, five shillings besides. Remember, that credit is money. If a man lets his money lie in my hands after it is due, he gives me the interest, or so much as I can make of it during that time. This amounts to a considerable sum where a man has good and large credit, and makes good use of it. Remember, that money is of the prolific, generating nature. Money can beget money, and its offspring can beget more, and so on. Five shillings turned is six, turned again it is seven and threepence, and so on, till it becomes a hundred pounds. The more there is of it, the more it produces every turning, so that the profits rise quicker and quicker. He that kills a breeding-sow, destroys all her offspring to the thousandth generation. He that murders a crown, destroys all that it might have produced, even scores of pounds. Remember this saying, The good paymaster is lord of another man's purse. He that is known to pay punctually and exactly to the time he promises, may at any time, and on any occasion, raise all the money his friends can spare. This is sometimes of great use. After industry and frugality, nothing contributes more to the raising of a young man in the world than punctuality and justice in all his dealings; therefore never keep borrowed money an hour beyond the time you promised, lest a disappointment shut up your friend's purse for ever. The most trifling actions that affect a man's credit are to be regarded. The sound of your hammer at five in the morning, or eight at night, heard by a creditor, makes him easy six months longer; but if he sees you at a billiard-table, or hears your voice at a tavern, when you should be at work, he sends for his money the next day; demands it, before he can receive it, in a lump. It shows, besides, that you are mindful of what you owe; it makes you appear a careful as well as an honest man, and that still increases your credit. Beware of thinking all your own that you possess, and of living accordingly. It is a mistake that many people who have credit fall into. To prevent this, keep an exact account for some time both of your expenses and your income. If you take the pains at first to mention particulars, it will have this good effect: you will discover how wonderfully small, trifling expenses mount up to large sums, and will discern what might have been, and may for the future be saved, without occasioning any great inconvenience. For six pounds a year you may have the use of one hundred pounds, provided you are a man of known prudence and honesty. He that spends a groat a day idly, spends idly above six pounds a year, which is the price for the use of one hundred pounds. He that wastes idly a groat's worth of his time per day, one day with another, wastes the privilege of using one hundred pounds each day. He that idly loses five shillings' worth of time loses five shillings, and might as prudently throw five shillings into the sea. He that loses five shillings, not only loses that sum, but all the advantage that might be made by turning it in dealing, which by the time that a young man becomes old, will amount to a considerable sum of money."
That's Ben Franklin, by the way.
"I've got a bank vault in heaven
Got my name on the door
And every day I get richer
That little bit more" - Richard Thompson
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