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2003-10-31 - 11:50 a.m.

A thought occurred to me when I woke up this morning, still sick.


In the body's battle against foreign invaders, there are no rules of war. It's just a matter of killing the invaders until there are none left. In a way, I am still as much involved in the dog-eat-dog struggle for existence as lions and leopards.


And another thing: I was reading last night, something about Domination and Submission. It said, we have an unusually long childhood period (compared with other animals) and during that period we develop a strong association between being dominated and being loved and cared for. That struck me as quite profound. And then, the other thing; in our teen years, in order to break this pattern, we develop an intense desire to be free, to escape domination. And I thought, maybe this is why so many men are apparently cold and uncaring. Like me. Because we found that the only way to fight against the domination of our mothers was, not active hostility, but the passive-aggressive withdrawal of emotional engagement. That was the tactic that finally allowed us to "win".


What a hollow victory it is, though. :|


"From loving you

I'll never recover" - Holland-Dozier-Holland

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