TITHONUS' DIARY!!
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you give me fever Ok, I think I may be getting a bout of glandular fever. I had this before, about five or six years ago, and it was bad. Please, please don't happen again. - I seem to have gone berserk with dland of late. It's like I've got stuff to write and nowhere to write it. The neighbour's dog is howling, it's past two in the morning and sound is just cutting into me like knives. My joints ache. My arms ache. I have a weird feeling in my spine. - Ok, I wanted to talk about this dream. I was in a school or a convent or some religious place, and I was holding a seagull. Anyway, a line of schoolchildren is walking past in a column, I am on one side and on the other side, a little farther down, it's like a grassy slope, a grassy hill (this same slope features in other dreams I vaguely remember now) on the other side I see, Z, my bete noir. He is smiling and waving to me. My heart sinks and I pretend not to have seen him. I get the seagull to spread its wings and I push myself along the ground sideways, gliding with its wings. The sensation is not unlike being on a merry-go-round thing, argh, don't know the word for it, they used to have one in a park I played in, like a merry-go-round with no motor. You pushed yourself with your feet, hanging by your hands and spun around in a wide circle. So, I'm sailing along, trying to get past the column of children and past Z before he can reach me, and as I start to glide downhill Z is almost on me, I need to crash past him, the seagull gets fractious and tears great strips of flesh out of my right hand. It doesn't bleed, but I can see a great big wound there. I go to a chapel or somesuch place and a priest there berates me for getting injured in such a way. - I feel awful. Today I was looking at a friend of mine, someone I work with. I have an unhealthy fixation on flesh. And in her arm I saw this great big dark blue vein, huge and... disturbing. Her skin is a beautiful golden honey colour. I expect veins in pale skin, but seeing this serpent beneath darker skin was strange. - Here's an example of what I mean by unhealthy fixation: last night, lying in bed trying to sleep, I started thinking about what my body looks like under the skin. What do the bones look like? They aren't clean and polished white... ugh. Why do I think about these things? The inside of the bones, the marrow, it's filled with blood... my arm feels swollen and sensitive. That howling! It cuts right through me! - Ok. Ok. I am going to go and listen to the bubblegum pop sounds of Fountains of Wayne. Bernard Zuel recommended them, so I bought their album. I'm hip. Pop music will make me feel human again. - "Stacy's mom Has got it goin' on" - Fountains of Wayne |
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