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gentle reader
2003-11-15 - 12:27 a.m.

Gentle Reader,

I am crzzy. Crazy. I am crzzy. I am crazy. I am crazy. I am not crzzy. I am not crazy yet. I am going crazzy. Crazzy. Crzzy. Crazy. I am not there yet. I am ok. I am fine. THIS IS FINE I FEEL FINE IT'S OK IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OK I'M FINE IT's FINE I'M NOT CRAZY I'M NOT DEAD YET THEY'RE KILLING ME BY INCHES DON'T LET THE MASTER KNOW DON'T LET HIM SEE DON'T LET HIM FIND ME IT'S ALRIGHT I'M FINE WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER I'M FINE IT'S OK LET'S GO CRAZY BROADWAY STYLE

Crzzzzzzz

Crzzzz

I am

Gentle reader

Dear Gentle reader, sweet gentle reader, dear sweet gentle reader, the other day I watched a program on TV about chimpanzees they surrounded these other monkeys and knocked them out of the tree and then they ate their babies

The chimps ate the baby monkeys

It was yucky and disturbing, they look like people, they looked like big hairy people eating little hairy people

Gorillas are entirely vegetarian. I like Gorillas. In my next life, I am going to be a gorilla. Check out the biceps on those things! I like them because they are big and lazy and lie in the sun and do nothing in particular but they're STRONG, so very amazingly strong, Arnie would have no hope

eleven to go eleven to go eleven to go eleven eleven eleven I can make it I can do it I can make it eleven it's nothing and then I'll go back and check the ones I did a bad job on no no noooo no I won't because it will never end the cycle will never end I did a bad job on all of them I was nasty I wrote bad things they are going to be crushed "there are several serious flaws with this essay" "your engagement with the major texts was superficial and showed little understanding" "these 'broken biscuit' quotes rob the phrases of the context in which their meaning resided and transform them into universal declarations of a sort the author would have had no truck with" I am mean I am bad I am too harsh most people won't collect them anyway they never collect them they lie in great heaps in the office then they get recycled all they care about is the number I am too harsh I am grumpy I am a fussy old man so what if they spell Sartre as Satre who cares he's dead now it's all junk it's all the same so stodgy why won't they listen "don't try to second guess what the markers want, just try to write something good" but they don't listen they think it's a trick they second-guess and they write crap and I read page after page after page and suddenly I can't tell is it me that's bad or the essay there's no way of knowing it's all the same again again again the same story the same badly chosen quotes the same mangled understanding of the meaning the same total failure to think why won't they THINK just do something with your brain this is not a game of connect-the-dots all I need to see is evidence of one idea, ONE IDEA that appears to have resulted from your own thinking and I'll give you a D, and if you can spell Sartre too then that's an HD, how hard is that it's too hard I'm a monster I hate them I hate myself I hate life eleven more to go then it's all over eleven just eleven just a bit further people spend their lives collecting garbage all day every day collecting garbage if I can bring myself to do this I won't have to do that if they can do that I can do this I can I think I can I think I can eleven more to go it's not far I've come so far I've done so many just be nice you can afford to soft-mark a few why not make yourself feel like less of a monster there there doesn't that feel better a distinction they didn't earn I don't feel any better it's worse now because if they got something they didn't deserve why not everyone why not this one go back change it change it to what they do deserve what do they deserve I don't know I can't tell anymore another credit a credit is a way of saying "fucked if I know" "fucked if I know what it's really worth" "not bad enough to be bad, not good enough to be good" not even that what a credit is really saying is "I have read ten of these in a row now and have no idea what the difference between this one and the last ten is so I'll just guess I'll just whack a number on oh look you spelled Sartre correctly well done high credit you get a seventy one why not seventy two well why not ok cross it out now it's seventy two not seventy three that's too close to a distinction and I'll have to think about rereading some more to see if you deserve a distinction ok fine leave it where it is throw it on the pile next oh god no no please no more my brain is mush it's porridge I can't stand it one more no more one more no more one more ok one more ok oh FUCK I can't believe it THIS quote again ok I'll go watch TV I've had it I'll feel better if I come back to it later...

-

"I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you" - Air Supply


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