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2003-12-17 - 9:02 p.m.

"Assassins" by Stephen Sondheim is amazing. I recommend it highly to everyone.


Uh, other than that, nothing to report, really. I wanted to take a holiday, but my supervisor says "not yet", so I'm pushing on for one more week... feeling a bit drained by it all, to be honest. I have been struggling with my desire to go back to playing computer games.


I keep having these dreams where my self-discipline breaks down and I start doing something I've forbidden myself to do. Like, in the dream I'll be halfway through smoking a cigarette and I'll just think to myself, fuck, what am I doing? Do I really want to get into this cycle again? Or, an even worse case, I had a dream where I was having sex with my ex, and we finished and we were cuddling up to each other, and I suddenly realised we hadn't talked it over and I hadn't decided I wanted to get back together with her... it had just happenned, and now it was too late to get out of it.


I think maybe my willpower is feeling overstretched and overused. It's reminding me that... that I push myself very hard to be "good", and that there's a price to be paid for that... something like that.


"With just your little finger

You can change the world" - Stephen Sondheim

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