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what is nice, what is not nice
2004-01-22 - 11:59 p.m.

What is nice is when a confluence of events gives your ego a boost. After going through a tranche (tranche? what does that word mean? do I mean trench?) of self-loathing and doubts about the possibility that I will ever be loved again (never mind if I will ever love again... hahaha no worries there...) then... circumstances suggested I would, or am, or something.


What isn't nice is this weather. What also isn't nice is feeling like you have to choose between doing the wrong thing by one friend or doing the wrong thing by another friend, with no way of doing the right thing. I have decided that instead of trying to match the impossible demands of what I should do I am just going to do what I would want to do if there was no "should", and then face the consequences. Isn't that an amazing idea. Doing what you want; facing the consequences of so doing. Amazing it's taken me this long to figure out that this was an option.


I had some thing that I was going to write about shame and intelligence, but I don't feel like it right now, so I won't.


See that? I'm "doing" what I "feel". There's something really quite wonderful about this translation of emotion into action. :)


"I was a highwayman

Along the coach roads I did ride

With sword and pistol by my side" - Jimmy Webb

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