TITHONUS' DIARY!!
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remember that conversation? "You said love, love, love Is everything I said Ok, I guess, whatever You said, what the hell does that mean? I said nothing, it's just good to have a backup plan" - Dan Bern, "New American Language" - Poetry is disappearing. People don't buy new books of poetry. Narrative is a drug. Conflict and resolution, conflict and resolution, again and again and again... the difficult part is to make you care about the characters enough so that you'll care about the conflict. The purpose to which television is devoted, the driving force behind millions of dollars worth of... why do actors matter so much more than writers? Writers create skeletons, but the actors make you care about the way they move. - I'm so drunk. Bad, bad, leroy brown. No no, bad me. Bad. - "I'm bad" - Michael Jackson - I think there's something really important in Jonathon's diary, but I'm not sure I can make a link in my present state. Hold on, let's give it a bash. Frustration and satiation are basically the same, that's the thing. Link. Link. Link. - I don't know or care if it's fiction or fact. But it's... reading it filled me with feelings of longing, jealousy, because I didn't think of it... and at the same time, pity, because I can feel how pathetic it is. Someone told me tonight, in a drunken bout of storytelling, about how they'd cheated on someone that they "weren't really going out with", something they're still interested in now, and how they'd nearly been caught at it... and I was jealous (he'd gotten away with it) and sad (what had he really gotten away with? What's the residue that remains from an encounter like that?) and it's... like Jonathon's story. Satisfaction and frustration... when I am frustrated I lust after satisfaction, but the satisfaction I seek is to be "full of myself"; it's fundamentally narcissistic. - "Fundament" means "bum". The two words are... fuck, what's that word about words? I always mix it up with "epistemology", which means the study of knowledge, which is sort of the same thing. Concerned with foundations. With fundaments. Bums. Trying to track back to the real meaning... Etymology! That's the one... it doesn't have enough syllables, that's the problem... right, "fundament" and "bum" are etymologyically related. - "Passion" is from Latin, "passio", meaning suffering. "Infinitely suffering thing", in a poem. Poetry is dying out of our culture. People are all hooked on narrative. But the hooks are poetic, of course. "Lost in Translation" doesn't make any sense as a story because it's a cinematographic poem. Doesn't mean it's good poetry, but it's good to see someone trying. Probably too much story... - I used to read thousands of pages a week... growing up, reading science fiction, reading novels of my parents' library, reading fantasy, Weis and Hickman... the best things hook you with story but speak in poetry. Poesis is love, I think. Poetry loves the world. People want to be poets because they hate the world and want to prove that they're better than it. Russian novels are full of poetry. "Victoria" by Hamsun is, in terms of the plot, sheer cliche, sheer soap-opera obviousness, and yet it moves me because it's... real. "Soap opera" is an insult because "Neighbours" is just fucking stupid. These wooden actors on wooden sets go through the motions... it's almost as bad as real life. - "Life is a B-Movie It's stupid and it's strange" - Ani DiFranco - There's more to that song. I used to think that poetry was alright because even though people don't buy books of poetry anymore or read them aloud, they still listen to songs... but I think most people don't listen to the words. "If you have to listen to the words, it should just be a poem!" he spits, the word "poem" derisive and obviously... conflict, ugh. - "MN" might be 1314. Just an idea. - Am I too much or not enough? I don't know, can't decide. I'm drunk because I went to a party because someone I thought I was in love with a while ago is going away overseas and I wanted to show that I cared and now I wonder how much life there is in all the world... "how much" is full of poison. - Satisfaction... I am a successful loser. What I mean is... not that I have succeeded in losing, but that my basic attitude to life has been formed as... sympathetic to the pain of failure and unsympathic to the pain of success; but I succeed more often than I fail. Difference and opposition are different. Um. - Chosen alienation allows the ego to survive the variability of life, at the expense of never experiencing passion. Passion is suffering. Etymology. - Ego is narrative. Poetry is ego and non-ego. - I was having a conversation at the party, nice light friendly not-too-serious conversation about the mechanics of genetics, how genetics functions... nothing serious. And this guy I know, nice guy, was making fun of us for being too smart. And... I joined in with a joke... "How is it possible that we're both still single? Who can say!" Just because the two of us were capable of showing some sustained interest in a topic that... just by being interested in something other than being funny or impressive or popular. Ha ha ha. I feel sad. - "I said, remember that conversation we had about love? Well, I think you were right You said, I don't remember saying nothing about love It must have been a fantasy of the moment" - Dan Bern, "New American Language" |
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