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2004-03-07 - 11:38 p.m.

Ah, thingo is sad because no-one has updated, so I'm updating for her benefit. And also for my benefit. Because I'm a bit embarrassed about how disconnected that last entry was.


I think the way that my mind works is that it closes its eyes (so to speak) and takes a big leap in some direction it intuitively feels is right, and then it slowly and painstakingly works out the connections, works out the details of why that leap was right, why that connection makes sense... but when I've been drinking then it stops doing the second part. It's just leap, leap, leap, with eyes shut, and you end up with nonsensical mess. Maybe in my sobriety I am too meticulous about explanation, filling in the details, exposition... and what I'm really aiming for is what I have when I'm in an emotional state, when I have a nice blend of the two, a kind of dreamy semi-abstract free-flowing way of thinking. It's like Winnicott and his theory of "integration" and "disintegration" versus "non-integration".


Nah, I won't go into it. It's too late at night. I need to do some work.


"Just a deck of cards and a jug of wine

And a woman's lies makes a life like mine

Take my advice or you'll rue the day

You started rolling down that lost highway" - Hank Williams

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