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2004-09-28 - 11:31 a.m.

I am currently TRAPPED deep in the SECRET FORTRESS of the evil HIJINKS, who, contrary to all my previous expectations, turns out to be a BRUTAL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND, intent on DESTROYING THE WORLD!!! Only I have the key to SECRET FORMULA behind her DEVASTATING ORBITAL LASER STATION, which within just TWENTY FOUR HOURS will be laying waste to the capital cities of THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! Therefore, I am imprisoned in the DEEPEST DUNGEONS of her VAST EMPIRE OF VILLAINY (fortunately there is internet access, though) DESPERATELY SEEKING some SLIM CHANCE OF ESCAPE. Gentle reader, if you can help me get word to the outside world then HUMANITY ITSELF may still have some SMALL HOPE OF SURVIVAL. The future of OUR WORLD IS IN YOUR HANDS!!!!
"Don't lose your temper in the shopping centre son" - Carter USM

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