TITHONUS' DIARY!!


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sunny graveyard
2004-05-10 - 9:04 a.m.

Hmm. You know what I hate? You're in an internet cafe, a little window pops up and you click "yes". Then, suddenly you realise it was that bloody Internet Explorer message asking you if you want it to remember your password. Now this computer knows the password to my diary. Oh well.
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Ok, sometimes I go to some pains to disguise the geeky aspect of my personality in this diary... I don't know why I should, after all, it's my diary. Um. Yeah, but anyway, the next thing I write will tend to not fit in with that policy of concealment, is all I can say. Um.
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So, the thing is, I love boardgames. Yes. Like Monopoly and so on. Except, not like Monopoly, because Monopoly is a terrible game. Um. But boardgames. If any of you have played Settlers of Catan, you'll know the sort of thing I mean. Hmm.
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See, this is kind of embarrassing. I'm not sure why I'm more embarrassed about this aspect of my personality than any other. You know, if it were the only aspect of my personality then I wouldn't be embarrassed about it at all. I would just be, you know, a nerd. But, since there are all these other parts to me, then it's like... um, yeah. You know, there are sort of cool-type nerds like Quentin Tarantino or Neal Stephenson or whatever, and then there are those nerds who are just gruesome examples of... something. I don't know what it is. I think there's something... I don't know, there's some sort of lack of vitality or... self-consciousness or social awareness... I don't know what it is. I don't know where the dividing line is or why the effect of it is so strong. But I do know, I desperately, desperately want to be on the right side of that line. Hmm.
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Yeah, so anyway, back to boardgames. They're considerably cheaper here than they are in Australia. This sort of makes me want to go on a bit of a spree. The same thing that would cost A$100 or even A$110 over there can be had for about 30 here, which is close to being half price. However, if I buy them here and then mail them to Australia, the cost of postage combined with (apparently) import taxes means that I'd end up paying just as much for them. Which means that in order to make good the savings I would need to carry them in my luggage. Hmm. Hmmm. I can't decide what I want to do.
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Why am I so quick to assume that people will judge me? I guess it might be a reflection of the fact that I can be quite judgemental myself, much as I dislike to admit it. I think really, fundamentally, my fear of nerdiness comes from the fact that Z, who I hate more than anyone alive, is a nerd par excellence, and I don't want to be like him.
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Hmm.
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Ooh, guess what? I walked through the cemetery where Karl Marx is buried today. I know this because two earnest young Eastern European gentlemen came up to me and asked where they could find his grave. I didn't know. Then I went looking for it and couldn't find it either. Maybe it was the wrong cemetery after all. It was beautiful, though. All these old stone graves, some of them falling down, many overgrown with vines and weeds, rich coverings of moss, squirrels darting across the lawns, everything bathed in bright sunlight... it's true we get more sun in Australia, but I think a sunny day in England is more beautiful than at home because of the rich, verdant greenery that is supported by the neverending rain. I really should figure out how to upload my photos.
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Hmm.
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"Losing everything is like the sun going down on me" - Elton John


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