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2005-02-08 - 8:34 p.m.

Nothing to report... I'm just in trouble with someone because it's been too long since I updated so I'm attempting to placate them by writing something. But... what to write? It's weird, writing intermittently. When I was writing every day it seemed like it was always clear what I wanted to write about... I could choose out of the various thoughts, feelings and events of my life some particular set which felt like it wanted to be written about. But, this sporadic writing... has a different character. I think back on the last week or so and, yeah, things happened, but, well... if I forget them, so what? Maybe the most significant thing is that I've been running into trouble with my thesis. I have a lot of trouble writing about love and inspiration. For me, the easy, default type of writing is critical; I take some notion of someone else's and show what I think is flawed in it. But the hard thing, the thing that has me writing pages and pages of poorly structured gibberish, is saying something positive about what I think is good. The ode, I guess you could say. The ode is onerous. I find ways of turning it into a critique or I find myself repeating some shallow cliche and then joking about how cliched it is... I think I'm scared of the vulnerability that goes with being enthusiastic. I guess maybe I'm always waiting for the cold water that's going to be poured on my enthusiasm...
"But it's the only place I know
Where I might go
To breathe some life back in my dreams" - Steve Young

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