TITHONUS' DIARY!!


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2007-11-03 - 10:01 p.m.

Sunstargirl has offered a drawing of my favourite animal in exchange for an update, so, I guess, here is an update.
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I might struggle a little to write something worth the picture, though. Let me see...
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The last time I update I had submitted my thesis, right? Well, I'm still waiting for the result. I'm told it won't be long now. I've also been more or less told that the really bad categories are pretty much out of the question, so that just leaves the really good categories, and the somewhat bad categories. That's a load off my mind.
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In the meantime, though, I've been teaching. Preparing lectures, giving lectures, running tutorials, reading student's work, marking it, and so on and so on. In a way it's been very hard because I've just been so busy all the time that there's kind of nothing left over for anything else, but on the upside, it's nice to have a respectable adult job, and it's nice to have money, and it's nice to actually do the thing that I've been working so hard all these years towards being able to do. And a whole bunch of my students, either by email or in person, have said to me that my courses are great, that they've loved it or they've learned a lot or, you know, good stuff. I also received my first ever offer of sexual favours in exchange for increased marks which, I'm sure I don't need to tell those who know me, I turned down. What else, what else... ?
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My optimism about my health has taken a downturn, but then, it had been turned up pretty high, so, only natural it should head in the other direction... I'm sure once I've had a bit of a break and a chance to resume doing the sorts of things that are good for me that I'll start feeling good about it again...
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I feel as though I've spent a long, long time waiting for my "real life" to begin, and that this time, now, is like the last little bit. You know when you have to work an 8 hour shift or whatever, and you basically truck on through it pretty OK, and then you look up at the clock and realise there's 15 minutes until you get to get out of there? And suddenly the burden of having to stay put seems much heavier, and you can't stop yourself from clockwatching, and that last 15 minutes somehow goes from being the easy bit at the end to a long impatient struggle to rival the whole rest of the day? I think that's how I feel right now. I want to be free, to get out of this house, this country, this dull stultifying routine, being spontaneous and carefree and free, especially, to take on new things, new interests, new friends, new possibilities... and it's all waiting for me about 15 minutes away, and I can't stand it, but I can, and I am standing it, and I know it's going to end, but it just hasn't quite ended yet.
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My sister observed, when I showed her the calluses on my hands that come from biting them when I'm angry, that I might have a rage-management problem, to which I replied, no, silly, I have a rage-management solution!
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It's raining. I like Sydney in the rain, so long as I don't actually have to go anywhere. I wonder if I'll miss this place?
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Alright, have I earned my picture? :P
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"She sent a letter
Gave me directions
Name of the street where I should turn
And she stood out front wrapped in a bathtowel yelling
'Once you leave boy, you can't return!'" - The Triffids


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