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the blackmail continues
2007-11-13 - 1:26 a.m.
OK, more picture-gifts from sunstargirl means more writing from me...
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Um.
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Today was a bit difficult even though I seemed to get almost nothing done. I went in to uni, read and responded to emails, had a chat with a former teacher, collected some late essays, had a chat with my sister, watched a bit of a film... marked a grand total of one essay so far, but it's only 1.30am, could be plenty more on the way. Ahahaha. *sigh*
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Oh, right, news! My examiners got back to me, my thesis passed, "with minor corrections". This is great news, sort of, because it means that at this point I'm pretty much guaranteed to get it. Failing lightning strikes or whatever, before the year is over I'll officially be Dr Tithonus, B.A.(hons), PhD. On the other hand, the minor corrections are turning out to be a bit of a pain in the arse. I don't know how extensively I've complained about this already but I haven't had a break, as in, a day off on which I didn't have any pressing obligation to do something or other, for about 13 months now. This is not how I like living and I urgently wish to bask in the glorious wasteland of unemployment for a while, starting ASAP, but the these corrections need to be done before a certain date which means that once again the beginning of my idyll of idleness has been pushed back by another few weeks. Also, the "minor" nature of the corrections is not actually as minor as I'd like... well, anyway. There's that stuff.
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There's also something else going on. A female friend who I haven't seen in years sent me a message on facebook and I sent one back and the messages started to get quite long and sort of... something? Perhaps I'm misreading them but there seems to be a bit of potentially-romantic energy happening in the communication. She was with someone else when I last saw her, but apparently this is no longer the case. And, well, it's nice. I mean, it's exciting... for the last couple of years I've basically been in a situation of feeling like I was too busy and too overwhelmed by life generally to be able to put a real effort into any sort of romantic relationship. And even if this thing goes nowhere, which is the most likely destination for it, which I'll get to in a minute, it feels nice just to be reminded of what it feels like to... linger on the edge of such a possibility.
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I suppose the thing that makes me fret, though, is that I kind of know this is going to go nowhere, and while perhaps I actually would like it to go somewhere, the likelihood of that is pretty seriously slender. I'm leaving the country in a matter of months, I think she doesn't know about my health issues, there's my general propensity for emotional & social retardedness which I suspect hasn't magically disappeared in the time I've been ignoring it, &c. And I guess this raises a bit of an ethical question for me... in that, I'm really enjoying our correspondence, and we're probably going to start meeting up soon, and if my guess about the "energy" or whatever you want to call it is right, then at some point... I will end up pouring cold water on it all. But I don't want to. I don't want to do it now, I don't want to do it later... hell, I don't know *how* to do it now. Because right now there isn't actually anything to pour cold water onto...
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...I guess in this case it will probably just be a matter of wait-and-seeing, with no very dramatic outcome, but it sort of... raises in my mind the question of how to broach the subject of my PKD with people more generally. Usually I keep quiet about it, unless someone asks me a question which is directly relevant to it, and then I give a basic outline of what it is and where I am and all that... but I don't know what the "rules" are for love-interests/potential-love-interests. I want to do the right thing in terms of when to bring it up... but I've got no idea, really none, as to when the right time is.
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Hmm.
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"A ginger Elvis Presley looked a fraction sad
Roaming the whole town from bin to bin
Well, living on the steet wasn't all that bad
When no-one seemed to know that he was king." - The Beautiful South
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